so yesterday I woke up in my bed with the guy who I sleep with when my boyfriend is out of town. then I walked across the street and slept with the most beautiful man I have ever seen. I have to stop sleeping with people in my neighborhood. This is so unacceptable. The worst part is I don't give a fuck.

Unacceptable isn't even an appropriate name for what I've done. It is low down dirty like a 70's poorly produced black porno with afro's and one piece paisley outfits and bad music.

I am having a complete mental meltdown i can't even type. I laid on the floor laughing about how pathetic I've been acting. It really is fucking crazy. Mind over fucking matter man. Mind over fucking matter. 

So I have a slightly difficult situation. I have a boyfriend, A boyfriend who I love. He lives far away. I also have a richmond boyfriend. I adore my Richmond boyfriend, It started off as a wonderful sex arrangement but he has become my regular ride. Lately we have been acting as if we are a couple. I hate couples. I hate relationships and all the assumptions that go along with them. 

Well last night while helping my friend prowl for dick. I randomly met a boy that was simply beautiful. It was 1:30 in the morning and we were hitting one more bar  before i went home to my richmond boyfriend. I don't know if it was the vodka or my sex drive but i attacked this guy. I told him he was beautiful and I wanted to rape him. I told him I wanted to spend money on him and worship his as the God that he is. He told me " then kiss me". I said NO! but then I did. I said I can't talk to you I am married. He said take my number. I did. Then I preceded to message him until the early hours of the morning. 

The next day I woke up with a massive hangover but that didn't stop me from fucking his brains out. I don't have time for bullshit. If I want something I go after it. Yes I could get rejected but I also could get accepted. Either way I leave with a good story. We lit up and put on a movie. We sat and talked for a bit. He kissed me and I couldn't keep my clothes on. His dick was perfect. The shape the size the taste. He told me I was sexy and I believed him. I wanted him to grab my hair and put his hands on my neck. I wanted to yell Fuck me over and over again. He said "sex hasn't felt this good in a long time". I wanted to tell him he was perfect. his body, his mind, his face, his kiss. I could write a sonnet about his kiss. It was smooth, It was sweet, It was soft. He put his cold soft hands on my face and I wanted him so bad. 

He came. I let him rest then I gave him a blowjob. He came in my mouth and I felt like I had complete control on his body. He must think horribly of me. I was a cock hungry monster. 

We rested then he went on his way. I don't know if i will ever talk to him again. I want to trust me I want to. I have never been so sexually attracted to someone before. He makes my body control my mind. I hate this. But it interest me. I don't care if he has other women. I don't care if he has other men. I don't care if hes poor, I don't care if hes a felon I want him. If he asked for my hand I would gladly cut it off and give it to him. Love like this is unintelligent and unsafe