Saturday, April 11, 2009

I can't do it and I refuse to. I can't do relationships. The baggage the confusion the expectations it is archaec at best. Its just seems so elementry to me. It feels like giving up or giving in. A human being can live to be 100 years old. You can be sippin wine smoking a joint chilling hard on your 1ooth brithday. Why is it that women start freaking out after dating someone for 2 years I mean i know women who freak out after 2 months and yes it is women, we are to blame. We demand marriage, responsibilities and worst of all reproduction. It's sickening. I can't do it. I am freaking out on a serious level. I don't want to be anyones anything. There is a world full of men and women that I want to and will fuck the shit out of and then honestly forget.

Basing a life off of someone you have spent 2 percent of our life with is mathematically retarded. Not to mention a good 90 percent of things you want in life are based off of the genius brainwashing of televison and gender roles being reinforced ever time a commercial airs. Do we really like cleaning that much. Are we really that enthralled with shoe closets and chocolate. I myself and not. I am abandaning ship my friends. I am declaring my search for freedom. Those who want to come with me are more than welcome. The rest of you can keep puting on your makeup and reading books about what men want.

It's so irritating. I feel a huge disconnect from my sex. I feel that I am fighting against this clock. This clock is a war. I see my ladies falling. I see my ladies missing in action. I see them blown up in front of my eyes. I see them covered in napalm. I see babies. Lots of cute babies I want to hold them. They are adorable. I will fight this. Many of my ladies lose sight of the battle. one minute they are fighting the good fight and the next they are buying a swifter cleaner complaining about some guy not committing.
What am I to do.

I thought that one day I would find a warrior I could stand behind. We would live and learn together and I would be his and he would be mine. That life does not exist. I have become my warrior and I am perfectly satisfied with myself.

I'm just going on and on none of this matters. really it doesn't. its just my thoughts running. I am drinking a bottle of wine tonight. I deserve it. I am fighting yet another invisible demon in my mind. I am going to vanish one day. I can't wait.

1 comment:

Zahra said...

definitely feel this way sometimes. hope your search for freedom is going well