Monday, December 22, 2008

I fell in love in one night.

local restaurant's holiday party. Free food. Free beer. Free fun times. 
As i am at my table a guy i sorta knew from 7 years ago sits down and starts talking with a friend. he acknowledges that he knows me, we have light conversation, but we were never really "friends" before (I was fucking one of his friends, and being crazy as a normal 19 should at the time).  but i stare at him and think " GOD DAMN you look good". why didn't i see it before. 
I let this pass over me b/c really,  what's the point. not only have i given up on a lovelife in rva, he knew me from 19 and he probably doesn't want anything to do with me know (I used to be serious drama!) 
i go to the back and smoke and drink and chat. he walks by. stops and says bye, holding out his hand. "I am leaving, but i might be back. it was good to see you". perfect smile, perfect hands. I clasp mine around his and say "it's always a pleasure." and he repeats it back to me and leaves.

I continue drinking and convince myself that we are going to be in love. that i've fallen in love with his man and he will be mine. I have a crazy dude tell me my fortune. it's all generic, but i place it all on this new dude. this dude that i dont know. this dude that im not trying to take home, but i want to travel the world with. I am out of my mine.

I see him again, talk for a moment and he's gone. I know where to find him, but he's not one to be chased. He just is. 
I stumble home and tell room mates to make him love me. I dont want to see his band play for anything other than the music. I dont want to hear your stories about him, i want to make my own. I am over head in booze and emotions. I am getting laughed at. 

I wake up the next morning convinced that this man would hate me anyways, and there is no point in trying to hunt him down. I dont know how to seduce a man anymore anyway. 

but for that evening, he was mine. and he was perfect. 

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